Myself

I feel like I'm becoming myself again. I don't know how to describe it, to define it, but it's definitely become noticeable. I used to crack jokes constantly. I was sarcastic, funny- a little spastic. I made people laugh. I was witty.

With Eric, I lost it. I was constantly around people that were not just smarter than me- they were smarter and snooty. My jokes got only strange looks, or the uncomfortable chuckle. Or analyzed- they took things incredibly literally. Eric once said I talked too much, and I was off putting because I was too open. So, I pulled inward, closing myself up, putting up barriers.

When he ended our three year relationship out of the blue one September, I moved back in with my parents. I was different- I didn't fit in like I used to. I used to be the sarcastic, funny, if a little strange daughter. My parents took my silence as snootiness that had rubbed off on me from Eric. We're an open family, so being so closed off was strange.

When I started dating Sam, I still didn't have my self confidence back. It wasn't until a few months ago that I started making silly comments again to him- and even then, only when we were alone.

A few days ago, things just started clicking. I have been wisecracking every chance I get. Yes, my self-esteem is still crap, and my confidence isn't what it used to be- but I'm getting there.