Sexual harassment

Today, my boss sexually harassed me. He didn't touch me- otherwise I would have just slugged him and been happy to talk to the police about the whole incident.

Instead, he commented that my recent sickness was either 1) Comeuppance for "beating up guys" or 2) because I wasn't having enough sex with my boyfriend.

He then asked me how much sex I have with Sam. And how long it takes us. And to let him know if I ever need someone.

And during this he also insinuated that I was loose and that I had once been a stripper (not that there is anything wrong with being a stripper, your body your choice). But... I just kind of stood there and took it, didn't respond and moved to another part of the store.

There were no witnesses, and even if I tried to do anything litigious, I'd have no case (upstanding member of the community, etc.)

I'm just in shock, I suppose.

Myself

I feel like I'm becoming myself again. I don't know how to describe it, to define it, but it's definitely become noticeable. I used to crack jokes constantly. I was sarcastic, funny- a little spastic. I made people laugh. I was witty.

With Eric, I lost it. I was constantly around people that were not just smarter than me- they were smarter and snooty. My jokes got only strange looks, or the uncomfortable chuckle. Or analyzed- they took things incredibly literally. Eric once said I talked too much, and I was off putting because I was too open. So, I pulled inward, closing myself up, putting up barriers.

When he ended our three year relationship out of the blue one September, I moved back in with my parents. I was different- I didn't fit in like I used to. I used to be the sarcastic, funny, if a little strange daughter. My parents took my silence as snootiness that had rubbed off on me from Eric. We're an open family, so being so closed off was strange.

When I started dating Sam, I still didn't have my self confidence back. It wasn't until a few months ago that I started making silly comments again to him- and even then, only when we were alone.

A few days ago, things just started clicking. I have been wisecracking every chance I get. Yes, my self-esteem is still crap, and my confidence isn't what it used to be- but I'm getting there.

Authorized

I am an Authorized Scadian fighter as of today- super excited about it! Also very sick and have to wake up way to early tomorrow morning.

Whining about my parents.

I get about three Sundays off a month. This one of the two days off a week I get- usually the other is Tuesday, the night I have fighter practice. On occasion, I like to go out on a date with my boyfriend, who lives with my parents in a sort of indentured servitude.

This indentured servitude is starting to go way beyond though. Three Sundays ago, they took him to camp and kidnapped him all weekend, despite promising that he could stay home with me instead (I dislike being in an empty house, it creeps me out).

Last Sunday we were all stuck at camp, getting eaten alive by blackflies in what was obviously a bad idea.

This Sunday, today, I wanted to go out and do something. A movie, dinner, anything. A reason to dress up a little and not look like the fry cook and cashier for some podunk store in the middle of nowhere.

I told my mom I wanted to take Sam out tonight, and she flat out told me no. He was going to be busy all day with the deck. He was too busy to go on a date with me.

The guy I worked my ass off to bring to Maine is now so under my parents' thumb that I never get to see him on my one weekend day off.

My Butt Bruise

Debating on whether or not I'll be able to fight on Tuesday. My left butt cheek is black. No blue, no yellow, not even purple. From about my hip to mid-thigh is black. I iced it, been applying moist heat, but it still hurts to walk.

Fiance brushed it with his hand (accidentally) and I felt the incredible urge to slap him. This is not a feeling I have normally.

I wish that this didn't come off as whiny as it does, but that's how it goes. I do take some pride in the fact that after this happened I still fought three or for melee battles and finished out the large-melee part of practice.

In other news, picked up some decent materials at the local basement-store; one fabric will make a nice tabard, the other will be part of my soft-kit dress.

A confession

A double post after a week of nothing- I'm definitely a sporadic poster. Doesn't matter really, as I have no followers anyway :)

I have a confession to make. I am very guilty of envy. In particular, I envy my sister. She wears a size 2. The girl lives on chicken nuggets and ravioli. She only ever drinks soda. Meanwhile, I haven't had non-diet soda in forever and if I look at a chicken tender I gain three pounds.

I think it would be easier if she wasn't constantly rubbing it in my face. She's snotty, and will often point out girls that are skinnier than I am and call them fat. I hate shopping with her because all the clothes she picks for me are either too large or too small- never anything that could fit me in any dimension.

Going back on my diet today, so I'll be back on track. I want to be back in the lower 130's when I head back to school.

I did a bad thing

Today, I did a bad thing- I gave into a temper-tantrum. I don't have kids, so it wasn't a huge thing, but it's probably a step backwards in training my cat to not wake me up at 4am to go outside.

He's gotten in the bad habit of sitting on the upstairs landing and meowing constantly until someone loses their patience and kicks him outside.

Oh well. Tomorrow is another night where I can try again.